The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
