What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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