I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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