I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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