he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
