if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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