I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
