he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
