i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
the raccoons are back...
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