I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
