just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
