Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
