Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
