That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
