Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
