To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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