My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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