We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
