i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
