So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You are a genius and a whore.
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