i love accidental penises.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
