I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
