very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
