she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
