Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
