So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
