all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
