I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
