Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
