Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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