so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
