So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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