If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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