True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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