I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
