you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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