Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
