I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
