So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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