i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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