South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
