I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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