I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
