A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You can't motorboat a personality
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
