found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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