i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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