That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
