I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize