Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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