im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can I color on your dick again?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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