singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
