I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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