its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You ruined the universe
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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