i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
