you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
