That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Boobs are out for the taking
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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