im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
