Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize