So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
