We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
