I'd wear matching sweaters with you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
