So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
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I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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