I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
