found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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