hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
